Tuesday, May 15, 2012

swirling in a petri dish

that's what it feels like some days, an experiment. i'm talking about this existence where we put one foot in front of the other and take tiny baby steps, trying to reach out and figure out how to move along, sometimes barely muddling along, and do the best we can.

who am i? i started out as a daughter—someone's child—then became a friend, a sister (also cousin, niece, granddaughter....), a lover, a wife, a mother. now i am on the verge, on the very cusp, of something brand new, too.

do i define myself by my relationships or do i define myself by what i do? am i a fireman, a nurse, a business manager, a pilot, a teacher, a lawyer, a shopgirl, a student, a bureaucrat, a writer, an artist? (a list like this reminds me of that game of jumprope we girls used to play as children where we sang out doctor, lawyer, indian chief, hobo, bozo, millionaire, thief.....or something like that, and the word we were saying when we tripped on the rope described with a single word the entirety of who our husband would be.)

i look through the glass and into the dish. what's in there? who's in there? who is struggling to get out? describe her. at this stage in my life i am finally realizing i am all these things and many, many more—they are the chunks that form the foundation of me.

when those sections of ourselves—of me, of you, of us—that ultimately combine into the whole swirl around—oftentimes blindly—they encounter trouble and hurt and frustration and failure, but also great joy. i guess what i'm trying to say is we never know where we'll end up or how much we'll stumble and fall trying to get here, there or anywhere, but the point is we're all doing it together, we're in this thing together. we humans are always falling down and getting up again, we're peeking over the top of the dish ready to pop out any minute and move on, hopefully not looking back too much, but rather focused mostly on forward. onward. completion.

i am in constant motion, cruising from being a daughter to a friend to a mother to a neighbor to a wife and now—oh happy day—almost a grandmother. one more description of me to add to my long, developing list, a compilation of the fabulous, thrilling mix, the experiment that is life here on earth.


Cottage Garden said...

You have such a wonderful gift of describing emotion and the human condition Mignon.

How exciting for you to be on this cusp! Best wishes to you all for a safe and joyous delivery, whensoever the day arrives!


Jayne said...

Tell me who I am, again? Seems of a lot of us are asking this question these days. True--just read a poet who's asking the same thing.

That "how do we define ourselves" question always has me tripping on the rope. I had to provide a bio to a publication recently, and it totally sent me for a spin. Aahh! I mean, I don't know why, don't I know who I am? Gosh, maybe it's just too hard to put it all in one little blurb. Or perhaps that really isn't the case, as I couldn't even figure out how to write something for a little blurb.

Thank you for pointing out that we're ALL those things that we'd like, but don't have the luxury, to put into a three line blurb. And as you said, Me is an ever evolving piece of work. A real experiment. Ha! So Me is not exactly always easy to peg.

No matter--glad to have my Me in company w/your Me. ;)

mignon said...

i say, that's so nice—a wonderful picture actually—your ME in the company of my ME and someday, hopefully, in the state of ME. ; )

Jayne said...

Oh Lordy you make me laugh! Yes, the three Mees. It's a date. ;)

mignon said...

thanks so much, jeanne, for your most thoughtful comment.

we're extremely excited for our first grandbaby (it's a boy!). looking forward to a fun, and busy, summer, with lots of time spent in vermont.

monica devine said...

Congratulations on the new addition to your family; always a gracious, loving, miraculous time welcoming another being into the world. I really enjoyed this post, as I've been thinking lately of the sometimes confusing speed of change occurring as the years roll by...a constant state of flux.

mignon said...

oh i do thank you, monica. about a month and a half to go and i'll get to hold him in my arms. such a happy time. yes, time and change—if i didn't embrace them they would surely get away from me and then...who knows what.

BavarianSojourn said...

A Grandmother, how exciting!! :)...

mignon said...

yes, so exciting, bavaria. : )